Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
