I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
