apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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