Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
