Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
