I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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