sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
