i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
