We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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