I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fuck appropriateness.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
