Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
