two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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