Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
