We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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