did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
