I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
