Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
