but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
