that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
