No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
