i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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