She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just blew my weed a kiss
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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