Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
