So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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