thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
