My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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