And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
