i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
