i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
