i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
