i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
