Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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