They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
