So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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