Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
