i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
