after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
