i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
