Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
