at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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