I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
