And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
