i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
