Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
