the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
