"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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