i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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