I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
