so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
