Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
