I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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