It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
