so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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