anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
