plz talk dirty to me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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