Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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