you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
